Sorry Doesn’t Cut It
You still aren’t speaking to me. I don’t know why and I am to the point that I don’t even know if I want you to anymore. I miss you. I feel so lied too though. I feel like so much of everything was a lie between us. At the same time I just want you to be happy. If she makes you happy then great. I still don’t understand why you couldn’t just say that in the first place though. I don’t get why you can’t tell me about it. I don’t understand why every time there is a new woman in your life you can’t seem to speak to me at all. All these years I sit on the back burner and watch as they trample all over you. When things go bad you come back to me. I have tried so hard for so long to stay out of things. I have tried to pretend and tell myself it didn’t hurt. I finally couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t keep it all in and just watch anymore. I had to tell you how much I cared. You had to know how much it breaks my heart every time I watch you with them. I really hope things work out for you this time. You deserve to be happy. I wish I could tell her so many things. To tell her to take care of you and make you happy. To hold on to you, because you really are one of the only good ones left. I really hope she sees what she has, none of the others ever did.
It was always you. I know I always said it wan’t, but it was. All these years, every time. Every conversation we had about me being conflicted and not knowing what to do about the feelings I had for a friend. It was you. You always tried to talk me out of being in love with you. You didn’t even know it. It was always you I was talking about. Even last year when things were so bad. I was crying on the phone to you. It was you I was confused about. I don’t know why it took me so long to tell you. I don’t know why I always wait for the world to fall apart before I can say anything. I have had so many chances, I know. I should have just told you all those years ago when we were kids. I should have taken more action as we grew up. I should have just came clean and told you on prom night. I shouldn’t have let you leave the country without knowing the truth. I really hate the fact that I didn’t tell you last year. This year really rocked us both hard. I don’t know why I had to wait until we were both so low to finally say that I love you.
I really hope this time is different for you. I really hope things work out for the best. That everything goes the way you want it to. I don’t know if I can watch anymore.
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