My Life Head On

Sleep is the Enemy

Sleep is such a double edged sword. I am so exhausted, so run down. Yet sleep refuses to come. For hours on end I am restless. For days now I haven’t gotten more than an hour or two of sleep. I drag through my days unable to look at people, unable to speak. At work I try to put on a strong face for clients, but when I’m away from those unfamiliar faces I turn into the shell that I truly am. I can barely get through the days. They just seem to stretch forever. Never ending hours of struggling through an act of normalcy. By the time I get home I just melt into a chair or Renegade’s room to watch TV disconnecting from the world and the pain. I can barely function. When I lay down to sleep I just stare at the walls and cry. People say just think of the good memories all your happy times together. Sure there are many of them, but each one also brings up a pain that he was there for. A trial in my life that Renegade had seen me through. The strength he had when I had nothing left. When I finally cry myself to sleep I dream of losing him all over again. The tears come again waking me up to the emptiness in his bed. To him not coming to comfort me. The cycle just continues as the hours tick by until the morning. Every night the same horror.

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