My Life Head On

One Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

Last night was full of nightmares again. Another night of tears. Another night of emptiness giving way to another day without my faithful protector.

I dragged myself out of bed early to go to an all day meeting. As if Sunday meeting wasn’t horrible enough, it just had to be all day as well. As the presentation started I knew right away This would be horrible. The very first words were describe your favorite pet. I broke immediately. A few of my coworkers tried to give answers. The rest watched my with empathetic pain as I cried on their shoulders. As the meeting continued it only got worse. So many discussions that brought up the end of life. Videos of ¬†euthanasia. My coworkers tried to protect and soothe me as we dragged through the meeting. I cried through nearly the whole morning. I had once again set off the heart monitor several times. When I couldn’t answer my phone to explain, the company paged my monitor giving me an escape from the torture of the presentation to call and have the monitor reset and explain why it had gone off again.

I was able to hold myself together after lunch. Disconnecting from everything to make it to the end. I cam home and collapsed into a chair from the exhaustion. I slept for a few hours until I was woken up for dinner by Steve and Toadi. I managed to make it through the rest of the evening with my guys there to keep me together. Their presence helps.

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