Boo to the Weekend
Well, another week has gone by. I did end up going out last Saturday and I am very glad that I did. I had a good relaxing time with close friends. We waited until later in the evening to even head over so that it was just a small group of laid back friends. I find that I can handle small social gatherings that are quiet and laid back much better than large chaotic gatherings like tomorrows will be. I am really not looking forward to this weekend in general. A lot of things that I feel obligated to do and have no real desire to do any of. I love my family, but I really don’t feel a part of it most of the time. I usually feel pushed to the side and left out. That is until planning takes place and everyone gets all crazy about who can make it and who can’t. Everyone gets all offended if every family member can’t be there. They have some huge dream where everyone can just do anything at any time. Go on some grand vacation for the holidays or some crazy gathering for birthdays. In truth there is so much pressure to make everything work, people don’t really enjoy what’s going on in the first place. Especially when you don’t even feel like a part of the family in the first place. I feel patronized and excluded. Nothing is ever good enough. My immediate family I usually feel just fine with. We obviously all have our differences, but we try to take the time to understand and appreciate each other. Its the large family groupings that I feel like a joke to the family. It sounds harsh and silly, I just hate large groups really. I can’t stand feeling like the vast majority of the people around me are looking at me and judging me. I don’t understand how you can feel a part of that and I don’t want to be a part of it.
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